Sad milestone – weighing heavy x

I knew these times would come but never did I expect it to hit me so hard… 

Just an average Thursday in January. I was picking the kids up after work, as normal, and Owen wanted a cuddle as he had a headache and you could tell he was in that emotional and loving mood. So I put his school bag on my back and asked him to face me. (Now it’s been a tough week and my energy levels are low but I never thought it would happen) I bent down to pick him up and I could barely get him to my hips and once there I could barely walk with him. I managed about 15 steps. He told me he was slipping and it was like a metaphorical message “a sign of the future” YES. Slowly he was slipping. His childhood was slipping away slowly like the slipping down of his body from my waist. 

I tried to keep him up but I just couldn’t and he was so upset I couldn’t carry him…”Please try Mummy.” He said to me…but it was impossible.  He cried. I held it in but felt like crying and by the time I got home, it was all too much for me! I cried too! 

I used to try to get them to be independent when they were tiny twins as it was tough trying to carry two. Now I’d carry them forever if I could. Strange. Wish my older self could talk to my stressed out, anxious younger (not so coping) self! I’d give her a few words of wisdom! Never let go…cos at some point, way too soon, you are forced too as they slip slowly away! 

If only they’d look admiringly and lovingly up at you forever! 

It seems like a lifetime ago – 

I’ve been teaching my pupils a poem called “As imperceptibly as grief”. It’s all about summer passing without you realising – like it’s untrustworthy or deceitful because it’s left without saying goodbye…and all you have are memories! 

This is like a mother with her babies…time passes without you realising and before you know it you are grieving like a loss… a treasured loss… time waits for no mother…but time with her children is her greatest weight and treasure. The weight of love ♡

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